... from blogging that is.
What can I say, my heart hasn't been in it?
This last 6 or 7 months have been the toughest months for me as a business in years. Yes there is the economy, and there was summer, and there was back to school, and all sorts of reasons why things may be slow.
But there is then also that small voice in the back of my head that grows louder and louder.
It snarks things like "it just isn't very good" and "they don't like you anymore"
Nasty little thing, isn't it?
I push on.
Because that is all I can do.
I try and provide.
I keep making, because it is what I do.
I tell myself there must be people reading my blog, and looking at my posts on facebook - even if they aren't commenting and the stats don't show it, because I have hope that maybe this horribly long extended lull is all about to end.
Maybe, just maybe.
I stepped away from blogging, because I really felt like I was just talking to myself. Maybe I am. Maybe these things needed to be said.
So, why am I telling you this?
I have thought long and hard about posting and the ways in which I could possibly get this off my chest with out sounding ungrateful, envious of success, or down right complainy ( not a real word)
In the end - this is me, and my craft means everything to me. It is my lively ( and sometimes very UN lively) hood. It is an extension of myself and a reflection of me.
It's what I have to offer.
In this last year I have analyzed every which way till Sunday, and probably sent myself cross eyed for the amount of research I have done on marketing myself (blech, I am NOT a saleswoman), SEO (keywords, tags, search terms, oh my!) etc and I can only really come to the conclusion:
If people like it, they will buy it.
And maybe you, lovely potential buyer, have fallen out of "like" with me.
I hope this is not the case. I hope you like me, you really like me. But I also must pay attention to the numbers, because bills don't pay themselves, and food does not magically put itself on the table.
So I am left with that burning, deep dark question.
Do I go on? Do I keep trying?
ahem, I mean :
I keep trying, I keep pushing, I keep dreaming and hoping.
My time will come. One day.
Why do I hope you are reading this and not thinking this is a "woe is me" post?
Because I figure this ought to be kinda somewhat maybe normalish.
I feel it must be a rare bird to start a business and never encounter some incredible low, even when you thought you were getting off on the right two feet. To never doubt whether this is a pipe dream, or think about giving up.
I imagine many don't get past that point, they soar high, then low, and never dust themselves off and try, try again.
That is not me. I am tenacious, I am determined, I am stubborn, damnit!
You've not heard the last of Bella-Bijou - my heart is ALWAYS in it. In every single piece I create, a sliver of my heart exists.
I will dream it, I will build it, I will send it with love wherever you are in this world.
I will create beautiful things, for beautiful people - take that self doubt!
Jaime = 1, Snarky Inner Voice = 0