Ever feel like you are in feet that don't move?
Not because you don't know what direction to move in,
or because you are happy where you are,
but because due to forces beyond yourself,
they don't move?
You watch everyone around you move forward in their lives,
they walk right past you,
and you watch,
from your still standpoint.
They move forward,
they make progress,
and you stand still.
Maybe you have never felt this ( how sweet and lucky) but this is where I am these days.
I feel as though for every step I can force these feet to take, there are two backwards steps to follow. It brings so many uncomfortable feelings, which I am putting out on this page now.
Not because I want sympathy, or attention, and certainly not pity.
But because maybe someone else out there is in this boat with me, or have been there at some point.
So much has changed over this summer, and I am generally not sure where I stand with most things in my life.I have never felt so completely unconfident about so many aspects of myself.
Last night I laid in bed and thought about how long it had been since I had dreamed of designs, and processes and dreams and goals. I thought about the people whom I respect and admire in this world, and how they all have a rock, or anchor in their lives.
Something to keep them strong when all else fails.
A support system, or a success that never lets them doubt their work.
I don't have that in my life. Perhaps that is why I have struggled so much this year through personal conflicts, doubts about myself, doubts about my business and its potential.
I argued back and forth with myself on the idea of doing this blog. I certainly do not want it coming off as a pity party, but rather just revealing a real person behind it all.
This is me.
I am an artist.
I am a sensitive soul.
I am trying to pay the bills.
I am trying to make a name for myself in the jewellery world.
I am wanting to take the next step in my personal life.
I am wanting to shed the year of 2010 far behind me.
I am wanting to to share my stories with you - good and bad.
I am standing here, watching everyone I know move forward.
While I stand still.